2018 - An uninvited guest
Ken has been a bit grumpy since he returned from Fuerteventura. The coldness (-20°C / -4°F) hurts his bones and makes his skin feel like sand paper.
- Here Ken, take a third blanket. And then we’ll watch a movie, ok? Oh... one more thing... your mother called...
- I don’t have a mother!
- Oh yes you do, no matter what you say. You’re not going to like this, but she said she’s coming to visit us.
- Where am I? In a bloody cold hell?!?!
Ken’s mother arrives.
- Hector! It’s been too long, dear boy! Come and give me a good hug!
She gives Ken a hug too and then backs out a few steps.
- Silly child, still wearing ladies’ clothes, I see...
- I can wear what I want, mother!
She turns to Hector and says:
- Don’t worry, it’s just a phase. But Ken, you shouldn’t mix stripes and plaids like that.
Hector tries to lighten up the conversation:
- Oh look, Ken! Isn’t she wearing the same pretty dress that you have.
- Absolutely not! Ken says but on his mind he thinks:
- Damn you Hector. I will never ever wear that dress again. I’m not going to turn into my mother!
- This salmon is delicious. Did you make this, Hector?
- I knew it. Ken has never been much of a cook. Even when he was a child...
- Mom, I’m telling you...
Hector kicks Ken under the table so that he wouldn’t speak any further. Starting to argue with that woman is always just a big waste of time and never leads to anything good. These two are like a ticking bomb together.
- Boys, why do you still have a Christmas tree? It’s almost February! Ha ha!
- We both like it. It brings light to this darkness, Hector says.
- How was your trip, Ken? mother asks politely.
- It was great! I love that island, it’s so...
- Yes, but I just don’t understand why do you always travel alone. It must be boring. And I am sure it’s not good for your marriage either! Oh, have I told you about the last time I was in Mallorca...
- Mom, when does your train leave? Ken asks.
- I didn’t buy a return ticket. I’m in no hurry. There’s nobody waiting for me at home. Can I sleep in your bedroom? The sofa might not be good for my back.
Ken makes a bed for his mother.
- Did you draw this nude, Ken?
- It’s very good.
- What...? Wow... thanks mom.
- Thank you for lending me this nightie Ken! Silly me forgot my jammies. I keep forgetting things nowadays.
- You can keep it, mom! Good thing we are about the same size.
- Yes, I have been gaining weight. Are you taking that rat with you? Good... Good night child, I love you.
- *sigh* Good night.
- I need a change, Ken says.
- What kind of change?
- Let’s sell the house, buy a van and convert it to a home on wheels. And travel around the world.
- Can I change the kitchen wallpapers then?
At 6 in the morning Ken starts to rip down the wallpapers.
While the hurricane called Ken is raging with the wallpapers in the kitchen Hector is having breakfast with his mother-in-law.
- How can you live with him? How can you stand this madness?
- Easily. He’s one in a million. It never gets boring here.
- He’s so lucky to have you!
Ken noticed that he still hasn’t unpacked his luggage. He tries to find a place for his new Barbie doll.
- Grown man playing with dolls! You are still my little baby, aren’t you. Carrying your dolls everywhere, mother giggles.
Ken is getting a bit red on his face and his voice is getting louder:
- There are thousands of grown ups just like me in the world! Talented and creative people who support each other! The toy people are the ones I don’t have to be afraid of insulting or judging me all the time!!!!
- Don’t yell at me Ken. Why are you always so angry?
- I’m not ALWAYS angry!!!! You make me angry! You should stay out of my life and I should stay out of yours! That would be the best for both of us!!!! Ken screams.
Hector hears the shouting and rushes in as his mother-in-law asks him:
- Hector, do you talk to your mother like that?!
- No, but...
- Of course not. You are a wonderful son. Saimi must be very proud of you.
Hector grabs his phone and calls Veli:
- We need your help here! Can you invite your mother to stay at your home? She’s crying here already. This place has turned into a war zone.
After a short while Veli arrives.
- Hello Veli. I’m so glad to see you! I don’t understand that brother of yours at all, how can he even live with himself? Let me just take my coat... Oh, before I forget... here’s some gas money. How are the girls? Good, good... Ok, I’m ready... Let’s go! Bye bye Hector and Ken!!!
After Veli has taken their mother out, Ken and Hector sit on the garage floor feeling exhausted. The past 24 hours have been rough for them. After a few minutes of silence Ken opens his mouth:
- I didn’t handle that very well, did I?
- No you didn’t. But next time you will control yourself a little better. I wish you didn’t take it all so personally. She means well, in her own weird way. She’s an old woman, you can’t change her. And sometimes your honesty just isn’t the best choice...
- I always end up turning into a monster when she’s around.
- Well, I can’t blame you for that. But hey, it’s just the two of us now. What would you like to do?
- Tear down the wallpapers!
- Hector!!!! Can you help me with this thing?!
- Didn’t we agree on renovating the kitchen? This is the living room.
- I know! It’s clever to renovate all the rooms at the same time! Besides the kitchen is almost ready!
Ken has finished wallpapering both the kitchen and the living room. The most boring part is still to do: the door frames and skirtings.
- You might want to consider changing clothes already. You’ve been wearing that same onsie day and night since last weekend, Hector points out.
- Yes, when I’m finished! It’s the home decoration mania, I can’t eat, wash myself or change clothes before I’m ready!
While waiting for the paint to dry, Ken checks his email.
- What is it?
- It’s from Blaine and Javier... They say that they accept my kind invitation and are arriving here next week...
- What invitation? I thought you didn’t even meet Blaine. And who’s Javier?
- Well, no, but, yeah but... well... I happened to be in the neighborhood and... Blaine wasn’t at home but I met this Javier dude, he’s Blaine’s fiancé or something.
- And you invited them here?
- No, but yeah but... I sort of did. I didn’t mean to!
- Great. I can’t wait to meet Blaine and finally see that hot butt of his.
(Ken blushes a bit. Is Hector being sarcastic?)