2020 - Tinder

Ken has asked Selma to help him out with the garden. She´s a pro with the plants.

When Ken mentions that he feels quite lonely these days, Selma asks:
- Are you on Tinder?
- No!
- Well, soon you are. Where’s your phone?

- We need some props for your Tinder profile picture. Something that tells people what you like. Reading, toys, sweets...

- Now you can define what kind of a person you are looking for. Age? Gender? Location? Then you swipe left or right, wheather you’re interested or not. If you like a person who likes you too, it’s a match and you can talk to each other.
- Jesus.... what a meat market this is!!!! Let’s go outside and plant some roses.

Ken doesn’t know what to do, so he does whatever Selma askes him to do.

In the evening Selma leaves and laughs:
- Check the meat market now, Ken. Bye, see you soon again!

Ken logs on to Tinder and the first profile he sees is a familiar face.
- Ooops, that guy! His abs are gorgeous, but what a douchebag he was. Left... or right? Which one means no? Right? Left? I can’t remember...

Ken is just about to start wallpapering his dollhouse, when his iPad beebs. A match on Tinder!

- Oh, it’s this guy. Very nice looking and shares some interests with me. His favorite author is John Irving and he likes the same bands as I do. I will send him a message.

Ken and Sakari (the Tinder match) chat from early morning until late at night every day. They really hit it off! The dialogue between these two is sparkling. Some days Ken even forgets to get dressed.

When Ken and Sakari had been chatting for a week, Ken decided to ask him out. - A date in a cafeteria... What to wear?

When Ken arrives at Lotta’s new cafeteria, he notices that Sakari is already there. Punctuality is a virtue!

- Hello Sakari! Ken says, but Sakari doesn’t even look at him.
Ken starts to hesitate:
- Um... I’m sorry... you are Sakari, aren’t you?
Sakari remains quiet but giggles a bit, still keeping his eyes on the book.

Ken tries to start a conversation with Sakari, but he just keeps reading. It’s actually Ken’s favorite book; the one he had on his Tinder profile picture. So it would be an easy topic to discuss, but Sakari remains silent and only giggles when Ken tries to ask him something.

After an hour and a half Ken gives up. He hasn’t heard Sakari neither speak more than a few words nor seen him turn a page even once during all this time. Ken thanks him for the date and heads home.

Ken is confused about Sakari. He didn’t seem to be deaf and Ken can’t believe he was rude deliberately. Was he just really shy and introvert? A person who expresses himself radiantly in writing but is very awkward face to face?

The next time I get a Tinder match, I will definitely meet the person immediately face to face. 

Ken notices that many people on Tinder are only searching for sex, not true love. Like this guy, only here in town for one night for a business trip.
- That might be good... if it’s uncomfortable, I will never have to see him again, not even accidentally. I’m swiping right!

While the businessman is sending emojis that say more than a thousand words, Ken is trying to figure out what to wear this time. Something sexy but still casual, since they will meet at Ken’s home.

The businessman is not really Ken’s type with his solarium tan, but he’s got great manners and he’s very, very flirtatious. And he smells really good too.

- Do you like magic, Ken?
- Well... it depends...
- If you invited me to your bedroom after these delicious churros, and let me please you tonight, in the morning you will notice that I have magically disappeared. How does that sound to you?
- Sounds interesting enough... Show me your magic!

There definitely is electricity in the air between the two of them.

We are all adults here (I hope) so we know what happens next. Twice. Afterwards Ken falls asleep spooning with the businessman.

When Ken wakes up in the morning he sees that the businessman has disappeared like he promised. He has left a beautiful flower bouquet with a thank you note. This was just perfect, Ken thinks and smiles.

A hot guy during the night and a hot sun during the day! Ken is totally happy and ready to see what else Tinder has to offer.

After a few days Ken arrives a bit too early at the bar where he’s supposed to meet Tinder guy number 3, Martti. This is not Ken’s comfort zone at all, but he tries to keep an open mind.

Ken is absolutely astonished when he sees Taylor working behind the bar!!!
- Taylor! What on earth has happened to you? When I left Finland, you were starring the reality tv show The King’s Descendants...

- It’s a long story, Ken. First the audience got bored when we moved to the big house and stopped fighting all the time. People didn’t find us amusing anymore. Of course it didn’t help at all that Jason wasn’t related to Elvis after all... They stopped the show in the middle of the second season and the Greeks found out that they had been on TV all that time. At that point the whole house burned down because Mama Filia had fallen asleep with a fucking cigarette in her mouth. I had spent all my money on clothes and jewelry and everything burned! It was horrible!!!! I lost everything!!!

- And Jason?!?! And the others? I hope your family survived! 

- Yes yes yes... we all got out, but I lost all my design clothes! Can you believe that?! And now I have to work here in this shit hole and pour beer for these stupid drunks!!!!

Ken would love to hear more details, but his date arrives.

Martti seems to be an OK guy, but nothing more. They are having pretty nice time together, but after some drinks Martti starts to get a bit too drunk. Ken feels like going home and finishes his Coca Cola. Martti says he might as well head to bed too, so they leave the bar together.

Ken feels somewhat uncomfortable with Martti, when he puts his big arm around his waist.
- Okay, thanks for the date... I think it’s time to say good night now and continue to different directions, Ken says.

When Ken tries to walk away, Martti grabs his arm and starts dragging him to the bushes!

Ken fights back, but Martti is too strong! He forces Ken to the ground, gets on top of him and mumbles:
- You think you can tease me all night and then walk away....
- Stop!!!! You’re hurting me!!!!! Ken shouts and desperately tries to kick Martti.

Ken starts to yell louder and suddenly Martti gives up and says:
- I’m not going to rape you, you frigid bitch... You’re not worth it. I still have time to find someone better at the bar...

He walks away and Ken gets up on his shaky feet. That was scary, thank goodness nothing worse happened.

After these events in the world of online dating, Ken thinks it’s time to take a break on Tinder and find something else to do.